Tuesday, March 06, 2007

Man of a thousand voices..

Head like a rock spinning round and round
I found it in a hole sitting upside down
You point the finger at me but I don't believe
Paint me a wish on a velvet sky
You demand the answers but I don't know why in my mind
There is no time
Today was a day where I think I am left more confused more than anything, I so want to know all the answers to what will happen in my life over the next few years and it gets to me. Don't know whether it's because work is quiet at the moment or whether I am still recovering from being ill over the weekend. I know that I am tired as I felt it at work today and not being afraid to admit it I suppose I am a little lovesick as my girl is abroad and I normally speak to her several times during the day and can't this week until she gets back.

Also listening to people at work as well made me feel like I was in third person mode, listening to what was going on and trying to work out bigger pictures. Suppose where my day started with text messages coming through from my childrens mother wanting me to have the children Friday night I was already off to a bad start. Without sounding obstructive I said that I could do Saturday but this wasn't good enough. With me and her it is all about bigger pictures and she is never going to like how my eventual life-painting will look.

Sometimes I feel like when I am in dialogue with her we may as well be in different conversations as it's not like we are on the same page or even the same book. I have to interupt her to let me speak and I feel like I am second guessed all the time. It's become more annoying lately as I feel that all the time she creates these scenarios, these tests for me and I really can't be bothered. Not even sure what the point was to her call in the afternoon other than to have the kids that night. It twisted and then I got a load of abuse, and then later that day they are dropped around anyway. Do some people just get off on having slagging matches, I personally don't and I have better hobbies.
Had my children for a few hours in the week which was good though, my boy cracks me up with his love of chewing gum as it seems like such a big thing for him now. Love that he stores them in the fridge haha. My daughter just wanted to get on the PC tonight so she was on that while I played action men with my boy through the football...
Thinking about it now I reckon my day was an anxious one as it was a European night with the football and Chelsea were 1-1 with Porto but it had an edge about it. Yes we had the upper hand with the away goal but I wasn't comfortable at all. And my nerves proved correct when we conceeded to their danger player Quaresma. In all fairness we were really poor in the first half, Lampard not seeming settled on the ball at all. Second half was a different story and Robben stepped up his play to get the equaliser meaning it was 2-2 on aggregate. Tense game followed after but we looked more threatening and I so need to bet more as I was saying that Ballack needs to step up and he did so really well to grab the winner. Wasn't plain sailing though and I was nervous that they would score again.

Liverpool qualified as well although they lost their game with a Chelsea old boy Eidur scoring they went through on away goals. Fingers crossed that the English teams go through tomorrow and I am hopful for an all English Semi Final although I reckon two may be drawn together in the Quarters.

Finished the match on a real edge and I felt in pieces after the final whistle had blown in Chelsea's game. Settling by the PC it was a quick shift in mood as my girl had managed to set up a web camera from her holiday and I chatted to her for around thirty minutes. The wonders of modern technology, could hear her clearly as well although the music in the background sounded like a rabble haha. She has to pay to speak to me though so once her credit ran out I am left with little more to do than head off to bed...