Sunday, November 12, 2006

Does the path become any clearer ?

Since breaking up with my children's mother it's been tough finding my feet. Back then I was really caught up in my own pain and finding things difficult and basically being selfish to my emotion. Not being there for my children was the hardest thing to come to terms with when we first broke up. Waking with them every day and seeing their faces in the morning, making them breakfast and just the hectic mornings is something that I will miss forever. Arguing with her over the things that should be so trivial like taking too long to do my hair or being noisy with the children is what I won't miss though. Okay maybe in the beginning I missed it as it was what I was used to but what should or shouldn't we hold on to when we love someone or something. It's like the line from Paolo Nutini's Jenny Don't Be Hasty

First I'm perfect, then I'm lazy and i was calling you my baby now it sounds like you just left me and it kills me!

There's no right or wrong person for us I don't think, it's how we accept someone. Being in my relationship with her I was oblivious to what other people would go through as I only felt my hurt. Struggling to be noticed in the relationship and helpless as something I prided myself on just fell apart. It wasn't all horrible but it's the bad things that are always brought up, take the customer service position at a company, how often does anyone ever phone up just to say that you are doing a good job. It just doesn't happen and as a society that has the internet readily available for us to challenge the systems in place it's no wonder people are guarded and insecure. Being away from things now and having a much larger circle of friends than when I was in a relationship/'lost at sea' I share experiences with a lot of people. I see people struggling for acceptance, peoples pain, chasing dreams and wondering when they will get their name in lights. I think for them it's just knowing where to look to see that. Searching for 'The One' is hard, becoming 'The One' is even harder though as I am sure any single person will tell you. My saturday night hasn't been too exciting, watched a movie called The Ringer which was comical and watched the football. And although this post seems on a downer I am cool. Just watched the above video and it made me think are we all just Chasing Cars and wanting someone to lay next to us and forget everything or are we just Sheep trying to protect Fish !!